The M Word

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Today on the blog I'm going to talk about something really personal to me. A subject that I rarely mention to my family and friends, never mind strangers or people who I don't know very well. Purely for selfish reasons of self confidence and hoping that if I don't mention it, I will draw less attention to it. That 'it', is an elephant in the room but of tiny proportions. The mole on my nose! This may seem like such a trivial thing to some people, but to me... I feel very vulnerable, awkward and exposed when talking about it. So despite it being an obvious thing slap bang in the centre of my face, I appreciate you all understanding how difficult it actually is for me to talk about this.

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Baby Ayden wasn't born with this mole. Looking back on old photographs I was about 4 years old when it started to form, and by the age of 7 it pretty much looked like the way it does now. I never noticed it so much when I was younger. I was a happy go lucky girl at school and luckily never subject to any sort of bullying, about something that would have been such an easy target for people to mock me. Disappointingly it has been in my teen/adult years where I have received back handed comments, which are probably just peoples curiosity communicated in the wrong way. Children are a lot more upfront and honest than adults, and in a totally refreshing and innocent way! I don't mind my 5 year old brother pointing to my nose and asking 'what is that Ayden?' but I do mind an anonymous commenter on the internet saying 'what is that THING on your nose?'

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I've came to call 'that thing' a mole, but to be honest I don't really know what it is, in more technical and medical terms. Over the years I have approached my doctor many times with questions about removal, to be batted away and have my concerns shrugged off because they are for aesthetic reasons rather than being detrimental to my health. A mole that affects my self confidence because of it's appearance is not really on the top of the NHS's to do list. They have a lot more pressing and important cases over my own, so I have always ended up coming away from the doctors a bit deflated and deciding to leave pursuing it. Then 6 months to a year would pass and I'd start thinking about it again, wondering what my options were but also scared to bring it up with my doctor again because it wasn't something 'important' in their eyes.

I was recently invited to an event at the Glasgow Transform Clinic to learn more about their non surgical procedures, however I couldn't attend as it was on my birthday. When this email landed in my inbox it sparked thoughts in my brain again, and I had a look over the website myself to see that they offered mole removal. You know that 'sign' you are often waiting for, but sometimes never get? Well this was it for me. The thing that I have wanted to do for years but always put off, made excuses for or went on my friends and familys comments of 'Oh but it's a part of you!' and why would I want to get rid of something that is a part of who I am, naturally, as a human being. I have always appreciated my friends and familys advice on the subject, which is why I know they will support me 100% in my decision to finally get the mole removed.

After chatting with the people at Transform and being initially so comforted by their positive, honest and 'can do' approach, I decided to go for an initial consultation to discuss the procedure further. I popped up to their city centre clinic last weekend on my day off, which was a strange oasis of calm amongst a busy and bustling city! I never would have known the clinic was there, slap bang in the middle of Glasgow. I sat with Jessica drinking coffee and explaining my medical history and how I felt unsupported by the NHS (who I am not faulting or moaning about at all, I just feel like they have continued to brush me off and don't take my anxieties seriously) I then had a meeting with my surgeon Mr Ottoviani, who was extremely knowledgeable and reassuring about the whole thing, and I honestly got more information and progress with him in a 20 minute meeting than what I have in the past 10 years of researching mole removal myself.

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Jessica called me this morning for a follow up chat, and I'm pleased to pencil in my diary that I will be going in to get my mole removed on the 4th of September. Despite all the tattoos and piercings I've had over the years, I am extremely anxious about getting this procedure done. Not from a medical perspective though, as I have trawled Transforms Patient Charter and I know I am in the safest of hands. I do however have a massive fear of the unknown, of the pain, and of how I will feel afterwards. How will it look? Will I regret it? Will I miss this unique part of 'me'? Time will only tell. But right now I feel that going with Transform is the best step for me.

In aid of calming my nerves before the big day, do you have any experience of mole removal yourself? Either with the NHS or going private. Transform were brilliant at answering my million and one questions, but I'd also like to get other peoples personal experiences of this sort of procedure too. I'll be posting about my actual operation along with some after photos, but until then I'd be grateful to hear your thoughts and opinions. Thank you, as always, for being supportive even when I present the most vulnerable side of myself to you on my blog. This one is quite a biggie for me!
 

Transform are supporting me in this journey and I am receiving the mole removal procedure in exchange for sharing my experiences on the Little Blog Of Horrors. However this is something I have wanted to do for a very long time now - so all opinions of my experience are my own and completely honest, as always! ♥

15 comments:

  1. I can relate to this more than I feel comfortable sharing on the internet. You will have people doubting it is the right thing to do—including yourself—but your gut is telling you to go through with it. It's something that will continue to occupy your mind if you don't. I think you're beautiful, with or without the mole, but I feel that you are ready for this!

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  2. proud of you mrs for sharing, know when it is something really personal to you it is hard to share. xx

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  3. Oh my gosh, I have literally never noticed you had anything on your nose except your piercing! Maybe I am not the most observant of people but it's genuinely never appeared to me before today... ha!
    I had a very dark mole, similar in size to yours, beside my eye for a long time, when I was about 17 my optician suggested getting it removed just in case anything ever went wrong with it, and considered it a potential danger due to the proximity to my eye. Like you I had heaps of people pointing it out to me...like I didn't know it was there! It did used to bother me quite a bit especially as it liked to occasionally grow hair out of it..nice...
    It was done under local anaesthetic and I genuinely didn't feel a thing. Healed up really quickly, you couldn't tell I ever had anything there! In fact I have to check old photos to even remember what side of my face it was on, it was that simple :) Good luck with yours! xx

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  4. Hello darling girl,

    Well done for making the decision, like Ashley I both think you are beautiful as you are, but also that you are ready for the procedure. I'm glad that you are able to get it comped because of your blog, because you really derive to have this happiness. I only know one person who had a mole removed, but it was NHS and she was left with a tiny scar that looks like a chicken pock mark, but her mole was very deep rooted and with some slap on It was invisible.

    Good luck sweets xx

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  5. I have to say I've never actually really noticed it, I usually look at your brows (which are LUSH) Haha! If it makes you happy then great, and it's great sharing the experience as it'll mean others might get the help they are looking for. I think as you say the NHS don't really see it as a priority case, which is due to government funding and shortages in pretty much everything they need (stupid bloody government) so it seems the best way to go with Transform.
    xx

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  6. Oh sweetheart. I've been reading your blog for so long and I'd never even noticed. You do what makes you happy though and I'm glad you're getting all the support you need. Lisa x
    (Astarfellonher.wordpress.com)

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  7. Hey lovely- I have had a similar experience with a mole on my leg which was in an awkward position and generally made me feel self conscious. I went to the doctors and they basically shrugged it off as not important so I eventually decided to just go private and went to Skin clinic. It was removed in the same appointment as my consultation and was totally pain free and absolutely fine! It was expensive but worth every penny as something that had been bugging me for years. Good luck with your appointment- it will be fine :) xx

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  8. You know, after all these years of reading your blog, I had genuinely never noticed! But I'm so sorry to hear that it's something that has been bothering you for so long! lots of love xxx

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  9. I've read your blog for years, and it's never been something my eyes were even drawn to - you're beautiful with and you'll be beautiful without. I have parts of myself which I'm extremely self conscious about & I know won't change, and I've been thinking about saving to change them for a while now. It's all very well people saying 'but it's a part of you' or 'you don't need to' or even the doctors shrugging off your concerns because it's 'cosmetic' - but I don't think some people realise the impact these things can have. It's easier said than done to learn to love something when it causes so much anxiety, and I totally get why you're doing this. Good for you! I don't have any mole removal experience myself but I know people who have, and none of them have had any issues whatsoever. You've done the research & it'll go great :) very happy for you!

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  11. I can sort of relate to this. I've had two moles removed, however they weren't anywhere noticeable. They were under my arms, which would get caught on bra straps or if was shaving there and caused a lot of pain if I touched them. I had mine removed on the NHS, and it was relatively straight forward and not as painful as I was expecting. You'll be absolutely fine! I'm pretty sure given how pretty your face is that the mole is not what people are looking at! <3 xx Kirsty

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  12. Well done for being brave & bold in sharing something so personal with us!
    I think so many of us can relate in some way, we all have insecurities about our bodies & i think it is amazing & encouraging that you have spoken out !
    I feel that if there is something you dont like about yourself then you have the right to change it, especially if it effects your opinion of yourself. No matter what others say, it is your body & you should be able to feel comfortable in it :)
    Looking forward to you posting about it after the surgery!
    xXx

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  13. Good luck with the procedure, I hope everything goes well! If it's something that's been on your mind for this long I'm sure you're doing the right thing and will feel much more comfortable in yourself afterwards. :) x

    Laura / Middle of Adventure

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  14. Well, you're beautiful, and I'm sure you will be equally beautiful without your mole, but hopefully more confident in yourself. My friend used to have a mole right at the tip of his nose! He had it removed with no problem, and now you wouldn't even know it had been there. You'll be absolutely fine :) xxxx

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  15. I applaud your bravery for speaking about your insecurity so publicly πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ

    I can't imagine being able to do that. I recently had my teeth fixed and am now only just able to say the word. all it took was someone saying the word teeth or dentist in a conversation and I was mortified and had to leave the conversation.

    when I told my friends I would be changing them they had the same reservations, they were worried that I would be different with something so me, that people had known me with for 24 years, removed.
    all that has happened since I've had the procedure is I have really become more me: I am no longer crippled by an insecurity and I feel free to let more of the real me shine through!
    I did fear a little that I was betraying my true self. for so long I looked at my teeth like battlescars, they were evidence of all the bullying I had endured. but I'm still that person that was strengthened by those experiences, just with the confidence I always wanted.

    you're so beautiful and you'll be a bombshell either way! I really feel, from my experience anyway, that if something about you is holding you back and it isn't a sudden decision there will be no regrets.

    hats off to you brave lady ❤️ xx

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