You may say im a dreamer, but im not the only one



What a fantastic wee song, John Lennon was a wise, wise guy. I stumbled across this photo of me on my photobucket page, it made me smile - I havent changed very much!
Sitting on my bottom tonight, with my hot water bottle and drinking copious amounts of tea. I had a wee cat nap earlier when I got home, and the more I come to think about it, I havent had a chance to just genuinely sit and chill like this on my own for as long as I can remember. Its been nice :) I do much prefer other special folks company though. When its me, myself and I, I just tend to sit and daydream and wallow in odd caffine stimulated thoughts. Like if a fat woman was an astronaut, would her large boobies float in space? Then I realised they probably dont let fat people go into space anyways. For reasons I will probably never understand.

Went to Tinderbox on byres road with david on sunday, I must say they do the best cake and coffee combo EVER :) We toddled along to kelvingrove museum, and spent a few hours wandering about oogling at the stuffed animals (mostly) from every corner and time of the earth, going 'ooooh, I wonder if that one is the queen' - looking in at the pretty minging but amazing bees hive, and pretending we knew lots about art. There is so much culture and history that I feel I dont even know about, so its nice to go to a place like that once and a while, just to open your eyes a bit to the world and feel nostalgic towards good ol' mumma earth. Would like to visit more museums and exhibitions over the course of this year. And I think the Doctor Who exhibition next month is going to be a must see!

Had my 'fake' interview today in uni. Was a proper industry person doing it, and our head of year sat in and took notes. It counts for 60% of the mark for us to pass this module, and the other 40% is to be made up witha reflective essay on the past couple of weeks. It did seem very real, I had to hand in my covering letter and cv this morning, and was sent an email later giving me my interview time. I was bloody nervous :( Dont really know why, Ros said at the end I did very well, it was a 'nice' wee interview and I should be happy with myself. Ummm... okay then! Took in my newly done portfolio, but didnt actually need it anyways. We also had a big class with HMRC this morning, about tax and national insurance and all that jazz. It was so confusing but I need to know this kind of stuff incase Im ever self employed (chances of that - huge!) but the more I think about it I would be quite happy with a wee cosy resident job in a theatre or the bbc. Time and effort will tell.

In our personal development planning class, we had to write what our dream job would be by the time were 40, and what first step we would have to take to realising our goals. I wrote that I would like to be working in a primary or high school as a teacher with a heavily art based specialism, and to be quite invloved in school shows, and an arranger of art and theatre trips, etc. I think my first step to consolidating this idea, would be to approach perhaps my old school to help with shows in my spare time, or run little art classes, while im still at uni. And once I graduate, maybe work with a theatre group that has community arts based project and that kind of involvement with younger people. I just want to be comfortable and happy in what I do.

This is actually the biggest blog ive ever bloody written, and I think its been a case of just getting all these positive thoughts and dreams off my chest, because recently a different matter has been shadowing over me and trying to eat into my happy thoughts. Ive not been handling things well as I wish I could, but I think its pretty safe to say Ive washed my hands of the matter now. Just want the people I love to be proud of me and love me back, despite my silly flaws.

At last, I am loving my life x

Tyler Durden

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off"

That film is ten years old now, and I still love it to pieces. Hits the nail on the head.

Where the monkey sleeps

My new job in the academy cafe bar is really quite jammy, no complaints :) Hold on a minute... Me? No complaints? You must be pulling my leg. No, actually, Im quite content and much happier than I was when I wrote my last blog. And its not just about free sandwiches people, its about communicating your hopes and fears and being honest with yourself and the folks around you. The things from day to day that make us feel alone, are normally the things that actually make us all the same! And its only through talking to other people, can there be a realisation of this. "Life isn't about waiting on the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain" Man... I really need to listen to my own advice once and a while.

http://paperclip.rsamd.ac.uk/index.php/Ayden_Millar

Regarde mon paperclip s'il vous plait :)

Au revoir xx

Don't take life to seriouly, because you'll never get out alive...

Hello february! Its been a busy start to the year. Only have one more week left in scenic, then 2 weeks of masterclasses and 4 weeks of my elective study in digital film and television, and then were finished for easter :) Im going away with the lovely Dominique for a wee weeks surf holiday down in newquay. Its an annual thing for me so will be good to watch her fall in love with surfing and that gorgeous wee town too. Cant bloody wait.


Handed in my research project on friday, and Im feeling pretty settled into scenic and the academy as a whole these days. Yes, its only taken a year and a half! Think my mentality is beginning to feel more comfortable and content, and if I dont make a career as a scenic artist/wardrobe assistant/art department person straight after graduating, or full time ater graduating, then im not going to let it get to me too much. My wee brain is too frazzled from over analysing my education; I think its just time to cherish my skills and go with the flow, not let things baffle or get to me too much. I would like my life to be full of passion, inspiration, and creativity, and I know I will find it in no matter what I choose to do. Time for a cuppa and my jammies to go on. I have season 2 of The Hills to keep me occupied before bed (oh, the shame, I know! But its entertaining) and Im waiting for a very special person to give me a call. He's a keeper x

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" - Nelson Mandela